Writing the news in the 1880s

Once in a while I need a real belly laugh just to get through the day and the McCook Tribune, back in the time where “editorial comment” was on the front page, never fails to provide one. The publisher would probably be sued today for this kind of coverage.

As an example in the July 2, 1885 issue had this note: “July 1st, Postmaster Sharp assumed the duties of his office. He assures us that he is confidently expecting the arrival of his new outfit every day, and hopes to be settled in the new building by the first of next week.” Following was this comment in the October 29, 1885 issue: “It is painfully noticeable that the appointments made by Grover (Grover Cleveland, President) in this state have been largely to the exclusion of those life-long democrats who have served honorably and faithfully in the democratic ranks for lo these many years, and to the forcing upon a suffering public hybrids like the puffy toad who gives your mail to someone else, and somebody else’s mail to you, at this place: appointments which are an insult to the intelligence of any community.” I doubt that the Tribune’s mail problem improved because then in the January 28, 1886 paper was this quip: “A number of new boxes have been added to the city post office. If we only had some practical means of injecting some brain matter into his robustuous incompetency’s rotund bulk, we would be pretty comfortably fixed in a postal service way.”

I’m sure the couple’s parents in this June 25, 1885 article found no humor in it:” Love laughs at bolts and bars, parental objections, etc., today as of yore. Two of Culbertson’s young people, Mr. Hal Davenport and Miss Lunn, hied themselves away to Indianola, last Friday evening, and by the assistance of Judge Ashmore became man and wife.”

Another story of love winning was in the November 12, 1885 pages: “A queueless Mongolian (meaning that he did not wear the traditional braided hair down his back), a cousin of Charlie Young of this place, occasioned no little stir, recently, near Orleans, Harlan county, by insisting upon marrying a Melican (white Christian) Miss, formerly of Freemont, (where her almond-eyed admirer first met her) but now of Precept. The Flowery Kingdom laddie resides in Hastings. Since writing the above we learn the naturalized pig tail has finally married his M.M.”

Last but not least, South McCook had a pretty seeded reputation at one time as noted in the same issue of the McCook Tribune: “Two young men of the sporting fraternity met with a mishap, the other night, while ‘taking in’ a questionable portion of South McCook, which might have been serious in its results. While ‘swinging around the circle’, they missed their bearings and walked over the high bank of the Republican at that point and were precipitated into the river, some 25 or 30 feet below, fortunately with little or no injury, except to nerves through fright.” To those who are not familiar with the landscape of the river’s edge has changed, when McCook made its appearance, there were not rolling hills down to the river but rather steep cliffs formed by the “Mighty Republican” waters.

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