Advice from an old farmer

Listen my friends, and you shall hear one of the best lists ever written about the common sense philosophy of those of us who live in the Heart of America.

It's called simply, "Advice from an Old Farmer." I don't know who wrote it -- whether it was one person or many different folks -- but I do know it clearly expresses the advice I have heard through the years in my travels through Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri and Iowa.

So, if you agree after reading the following, go get your scissors, clip the column, and thumb-tack it on your barn door or kitchen cabinet. The rest of the world can learn a lot from those of us who live around here.

ADVICE FROM AN OLD FARMER

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

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Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

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LIfe is simpler when you plow around the stump.

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A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

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Words that soak into your ears are whispered . . . not yelled.

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Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

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Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

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It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

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You cannot unsay a cruel word.

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Every path has a few puddles.

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When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

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The best sermons are lived, not preached.

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Most of the stuff people worry about ain't ever gonna happen anyway.

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Don't judge folks by their relatives.

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Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

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Live a good, honorable life . . . Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

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Don't interfere with something' that ain't botherin you none.

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Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

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If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

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Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

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The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

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Always drink upstream from the herd.

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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

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Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting' it back in.

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If you get to thinking' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

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Live simply. Love generously. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

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Most times, it just gets down to common sense.