Softball tan

I remember not so long ago when getting the perfect tan was pretty high up on my summer priority list. Now in my 40s, apparently it's dropped down several notches. Even though I tell myself every spring that I should go to the tanning bed to get a little base tan, just so I don't fry at my girls first softball tournament, or I mentally make plans to lay out in the back yard as soon as it's hot enough so I have an overall tan, but I never do either.

Therefore, every year, now that my girls have gotten older, I get, what I call, the Softball Tan. It's not the most attractive tan and could be somewhat compared to the Farmer's Tan but with a little more body areas affected. My arms from shoulders down are tan, my legs from mid-thigh down to my feet are tan and then I have the Sandal Tan on my feet, which is not evident if wearing the same sandals every day but if I wear strappy sandals, then the Sandal Tan is visible.

With shorts and a sleeveless shirt on, I appear as sun-kissed as every other beach babe. However, one trip to the lake last weekend wearing a two-piece swimsuit, my girls reminded me that I am definitely no sun-kissed Coppertone model and have quite the weird and, by the looks on their faces, very amusing tan. They act like they're telling me something new, like I don't already know that 70 percent of me is white and only 30 percent is tan, and apparently they feel like it's their duty to inform me of how extremely white I am underneath my T-shirt and shorts. Then have the audacity to point and laugh at how bizarre I look.

I was quick to ask them after their ridicule, "And how do you think I got this stupid tan?" Before they could finishing smiling and think of a respectful answer, I declared, "Sitting through all your softball games, that's how!" "This ... is what's called my Softball Tan."

I explained to them that the only solution to NOT having this silly Softball Tan was for me to show up at their games in a bikini in and flop out in a lawn chair. Of course, this idea instantly caused them to gag and shiver in fear at the very thought of it. Which then they immediately assured me that my Softball Tan was perfectly acceptable to them and begged me to NEVER show up to their game in a bikini.

Done! We came to an agreement that my blinding white skin directly next to my dark tan skin was no longer a point of discussion and we moved on. Although I no longer have the overall summer tan I used to have in my younger years, I'm proud of my Softball Tan. When I'm older I'll probably get what's known as the Golf Tan or the Yardwork Tan, so for now, I'm going to try to enjoy my Softball Tan whether they like it or not!