When will I ever learn?

Its the tail end of an exhausting day and I have spent the last 10 minutes making the most delicious looking (and still healthy - which has become quite the chore) turkey sandwich I have seen in a long long time. I tip-toe into the living room, a "No Food Zone," and turn on Sportscenter. I get one bite into my masterpiece, which does not disappoint and I hear a yell from down the hall. "Dad! Dad come wipe my butt!"

I pause for a moment as the words register and as I stare at the fresh spinach, tomatoes and cucumbers overflowing from my much desired snack, I realize this eating experience will not at all be the same after I answer the young man's call. Greed takes over and I scarf down half the beauty in two giant bites before sadly saying my goodbyes and making my way toward the bathroom.

After the dirty deed has been done and as I am helping the little guy reclothe himself while simultaneously plotting the necessary sanitation steps I must soon take in order to attempt to restart my feast, a thought occurs to me.

"Declan, what do you do at school when you have to go to the bathroom?" I ask curiously. "Do you let your teacher wipe you?" He crinkles his face and raises one eyebrow, looking at me with complete disappointment in my ignorance. "NO," He states firmly, "I do it myself."

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