On the other hand

Last week I wrote about friendship. This week the subject is treachery; something all of us have been exposed to at times in our lives, some more than others.

Rousseau and Locke, among others, wrote about the difference between living in respectful concert with others as opposed to living in the "state of nature" in which men are ultimately free to do as they please, which also includes doing to others as they please. The state of nature is a phrase that describes anarchy in which only the biggest, meanest, strongest, and most deceitful survive. As a democracy and a civilized society, we have rejected that concept by becoming a nation of laws that are designed to protect us from each other.

Unfortunately, although the law can protect us in many parts of our lives, it cannot protect us from the personal treachery of others; the "snakes-in-the-grass" who defy the essence of the social contract by doing to others what they don't want done to themselves. This includes putting themselves and their perceived needs and desires first and foremost above anyone and anything else. This leads to lying, deceiving, cheating, gossiping, invalidating, and in it's most extreme form, destroying the lives of others for their own selfish purposes.

I suspect many, if not most of us, have experienced this first hand in our dealings with others. Too many people say one thing and do something else. Too many people take advantage of the kindness and sincerity of others and use it against them. When that happens, the victim is often described by others as being na*ve or gullible, consequently suffering even more because they took another person's words or actions at face value rather than being skeptical about their intentions from the beginning.

I would like to think we're better than that. I would like to believe we live in a world where we can still trust other people and take as gospel what they say. But there are so many signs that point in the opposite direction. There are so many indications that suggest we ARE foolish for believing in people and trusting that their intentions are pure.

As I've written in this space before, trust is the foundation for all relationships because, without it, we're constantly suspicious and forever wondering about what people really think, really feel, and really believe.

All of us have been places and have known people who are personable and friendly in their interactions with others and then speak of them critically as soon as they walk out the door. I stopped going to one particular place in particular because I witnessed that behavior first hand time after time until I decided I didn't want to witness it anymore.

I've also experienced, as I'm sure many of you have, the personal treachery of others who I had placed absolute faith and trust in and would have believed in them forever.

How can we share space on this tiny little planet with others without faith; without hope, without honesty and forthrightness, without integrity, and without having the ability to take someone at their word and know it to be true?

If we ever get to that point and I'm afraid we're perilously close, we will have, for all intents and purposes, ended the social contract we have with each other and fallen back into the state of nature where we were thousands of years ago before we supposedly became civilized.

And we will all ultimately suffer, even the biggest, meanest, strongest, and most deceitful, because of it.