Running the big con game

We have a small but nasty little contingent of low-lifes in society who are users.

Most of us grew up being taught the concept of reciprocity. If we're good and decent to other people, they'll be good and decent to us.

On the other hand, if they're NOT good and decent, then we won't be either. "Users" on the other hand, don't subscribe to this policy. They use and control and manipulate other people and expect no negative consequences for their behavior.

One of the reasons for this is because too many of us allow it to happen. These "con men" know that good and decent people are ripe for the taking because we attempt to see the good in people rather than the bad. In doing so, we become easy targets for their abusive ways.

If you know what to look for, their behavior is easier to diffuse. The typical scenario is that they act in socially unacceptable ways, get caught, beg for forgiveness, act nice for awhile, and then revert back to their true nature.

Because most of us give people the benefit of the doubt, we forgive and, in doing so, set ourselves up as targets again. Because here's the thing: most people don't change. In fact, most people find it impossible to change.

Regardless of our age, we are products of everything we've been exposed to since birth. Our basic personality is formed by the time we're seven or eight years old and that's essentially who we're going to be forever. Of course, the socialization process never stops and we continue to modify our identity and our personality but these modifications are incremental and small and they don't change our basic personality at its' core.

One of the proofs of this is the recidivism rate of ex-convicts. The recidivism rate simply and accurately records the number of ex-cons released from prison, either through parole or completion of their sentence, and the percentage who end up back in prison.

For the past one hundred years, the rate has changed little. In 1900, it was around 70 percent; that's where it remains today. In 1900, convicts were exposed to extremely harsh conditions. They were segregated from the rest of the prison population, spending their days in solitary cells. Their meals were delivered through slots in the door. They had a small exercise area in back of their cell and that was it. Today, prisoners have all different kinds of rehabilitative programs, libraries, weight rooms, televisions, boom boxes, educational opportunities, trade and skill opportunities, etc., etc., and the recidivism rate has changed hardly at all. The reason is as simple as it can be. People cannot be remade without their permission and most of us simply don't give permission.

Even when a person WANTS to change, change is still incredibly difficult and most usually can't be achieved without a very strong support system. If we DON'T want to change, then change is literally impossible.

Con men have no desire to change. They enjoy their lives. They enjoy dominating, controlling, manipulating, and abusing their victims. They get a pay-off for it. And when they go too far, when they do or say something that evokes a negative response from the person they're using, they turn on the charm, or become remorseful, or pull the "poor old pitiful me" routine in order to provoke forgiveness from their victim. Once the forgiveness is given, they revert back to their natural behavior and the process starts all over again. One of the amazing characteristics of users is their ability to often make the victim feel like it's their fault, when, in fact, it's not the victim's fault at all.

There is only one solution to this pattern of behavior. It is an actualization and realization on the part of all of us that some people aren't decent people. Some people aren't looking out for our best interests. Some people are so dependent on controlling every aspect of their environment that they absolutely do not have the ability to enter into meaningful relationships with other human beings. If we know this and we know what to look for, then we can develop the ability to defend ourselves. If we don't, we will forever be targets of these unscrupulous users and abusers who want and care about one thing and one thing only; to manipulate the world they live in to their best advantage always, never caring about who they demolish and destroy in the process. If we're not in control of our own lives, then we WILL be controlled by someone else. It's up to us.