The return of the simple get-together

It seems like everything is a big production these days.

While marriage proposals have usually included some level of advance planning, invitations to high school dances have taken it to another level.

Asking someone to prom requires hours of preparation and likely recording the invitation to share online. There are usually posters, candy and various props involved, followed by flowers, garters and a distinctive automobile on the day of prom.

Gender-reveal parties are becoming more frequent, sometimes involving canons and confetti and even leading to deadly wildfires. I’m thankful these parties didn’t exist when I was having kids. In fact, I never found out the gender of any of my seven kids because I figured there wasn’t anything I could do about it and they were going to get hand-me-down clothes regardless of their gender.

For all of these events, a primary consideration is likely how the pictures will turn out so they can be posted on social media. If you are putting that much work into the event, you will likely want to record and share the reaction. If that is what floats your boat, so be it.

On the other end of the spectrum, many things are getting more and more casual.

This past spring, did anyone receive an “official” high school or college graduation announcement? Not the notecards which list the graduation ceremony and reception, most likely not in that order. I’m talking about the heavy, stock-paper, trim-folded cards, usually with gold-embossed lettering and likely including a business card with the student’s name. We received more than three dozen invites and not a formal invite among them. Remembering what I spent on my formal graduation announcements, I don’t begrudge anyone for the more informal invitations.

And wedding invites are going the same route.

My fridge is lined with wedding invitations. Yet, there isn’t one formal invitation with that small piece of tissue paper tucked inside, of which I never understood why it was there. The invitations all feature the loving couple, the date for the ceremony and the reception, again most likely not in that order. And we’ve even received a couple wedding invites this year via text or Facebook. Again, not begrudging anyone for looking for ways to cut costs and doing what makes them happy.

Regardless of what the invitation looks like, there is still a lot of planning and production that goes into making these things happen. And for some of life’s events, a big production is necessary and welcome and encouraged.

But what got me thinking about these seemingly unrelated ideas was ironically a social media post. It encouraged people to get together for the simple idea of being around other people. Remove the big production. Take away the themes. Lower your expectations. Don’t host something just so you have a social media post later.

Now, I’m all for themed-parties. I’ve got a closet full of costumes to prove my point. I can’t tell you the number of birthday parties I’ve hosted although they became more infrequent…just ask my youngest child. I hosted a murder mystery a few months ago that included finding a dead body…a prop would have been o.k. but I convinced my son to play the part.

While all these events are fun and memorable, these gatherings require work and can turn into a big production.

Instead, we need to bring back a simple get-together without a theme, without a reason, without all the work that goes into making something happen. And perhaps most importantly, without the notion that we will be posing for a cute Instagram post or reporting the happenings on snap-chat.

Longing for friendly, low-key conversations along with good food, I sent out a few text messages in the morning this past Sunday. By that evening — just in time for the storms —I had nearly 30 people at my house for dinner. There was no other reason other than to bring people together. No one looked at my floors to see if I had scrubbed them (or at least they were kind enough not to mention it). No one went out to buy a new outfit, as far as I know. And the only organized activity was a poker game near the end of the evening. Everything was casual and spontaneous, with the sound of laughter and conversations filling the rooms.

And at the end of the evening, there were no decorations to take down, no costumes to put away and no photos to post (although a few pictures were taken to note the simplicity of the evening but that’s a topic for another day). After putting away a few leftovers and washing a couple dishes, a fun, friend-filled evening was over.

And if you are reading this and saying to yourself, I didn’t get an invite…please don’t worry. I’ll be reaching out to others as I hope to turn the casual dinner into a monthly “Low Expectations Gathering,” as long as it doesn’t turn into a big production.