Narcissism, gaslighting, and the general election

As I consume my balanced news diet, I hear much concern from the left about Trump’s narcissistic tendencies and fear that he will become a dictator. The more thoughtful pundits I encounter are less concerned about his hyperbolic “dictator for a day” comments than his willingness to challenge vote certification and his wait-and-see attitude toward the January 6 Capitol incursion. Those actions (or inactions) are genuine concerns, but hesitant supporters plod forward with faith that our system of government has mechanisms to prevent those tendencies from metastasizing.

The accusation that he is a narcissist is considerably less nuanced and more challenging to dispute. Like most narcissists, Trump often displays charm and charismatic behavior, both on stage and reportedly in person, but he fits most of the textbook traits. Long before he was in public office, he projected a sense of importance and expected special treatment and admiration. He has used that well, turning his name into a valuable brand.

Also consistent with the definition, Trump has demonstrated the trait of not taking responsibility for mistakes blaming external circumstances instead. His refusal to concede the 2020 election is a case in point where he behaved so badly that he made Al Gore look classy by comparison (which is not easy to do).

That said, don’t we all encounter a few narcissists in our lives? I’m sure you can think of someone, past or present, who likes to dominate conversations, showing little interest in others' input or even allowing a two-way dialogue. They may hijack the conversations of others, pry into individual lives, or make intrusive comments without regard for the other person's comfort or consent.

The narcissists in your life may minimize others' perspectives, focusing instead on their righteous indignation, twisting facts, or denying reality to suit their narrative. Like Mr. Trump, they may also have difficulty with criticism, becoming hostile or blaming others for any perceived flaws or shortcomings. They will tune out or minimize anything that challenges their beliefs.

Yet, amid all that, they possess just enough charm and charisma to manipulate and influence others in conversation and are adept at making favorable impressions, especially in short-term interactions.

By now, you probably have someone in mind–or several someones, but isn’t there a bit of narcissism in all of us? Narcissism itself is a personality trait that exists on a spectrum, and not all forms of narcissism are necessarily "bad" in every context. Some levels of narcissism can be healthy and even beneficial. Healthy narcissism, also known as "adaptive narcissism," involves having a positive self-image, self-confidence, and a healthy level of self-interest. It allows individuals to pursue their goals, assert themselves, and maintain boundaries. Healthy narcissism can contribute to resilience, motivation, and success in various domains, such as leadership roles or creative endeavors.

The same would apply to any performing artist. Beyond primary school, where it’s compulsory, the love of music or theater leads us to the stage. A genuine willingness to share valuable, helpful information makes us public speakers, but unlike our malevolent narcissist, those things seldom happen without connections with peers and collaborators within the community. Interactions are often driven by a shared passion for the greater good and a desire to create impactful work together. That’s the healthy brand of narcissism. It’s moderated, controlled, and not to be feared.

On the other hand, narcissism out of control is a threat. The narcissists in our lives may not be powerful or even successful, but they demonstrate ferocity when cornered. Narcissists may seek retribution against their perceived enemies in various ways, including smear campaigns, character assassination, gaslighting, and triangulation. Narcissists use a third party to create conflict, manipulating others into taking sides, only to discard that ally when no longer useful.

Narcissists may engage in sabotage to undermine their enemies' success, progress, or well-being, including spreading false information, obstructing projects, or intentionally causing harm or inconvenience. In some cases, narcissists may even resort to legal threats or actions as a form of retribution against their enemies.

Anyone who has encountered such a person has reason to be concerned about the upcoming election. Barring any new revelations or unexpected Supreme Court decisions, we already know our choices in November. Just as John Kasich did in 2016, Nikki Haley, Gavin Newsom, RFK Jr., and Joe Manchin all wait in the wings for an October surprise, but more likely than not, our choice in the voting booth this November will be for the evil of two lessers.