Civility and decent behavior

I may have a new favorite book. I purchased it for seven bucks on Amazon last week, and it’s really more like a pamphlet than a book. The 4”x7” hard-back has only 30 pages, but if you enjoy a peek into early American life, the evolution of the English language, and would value a refresher course on gentility, it’s a very satisfying 30 pages.

The book is titled “Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation.” It is authored by none other than George Washington, but there is a significant asterisk attached to his byline. He actually copied and edited an English translation of the book as written by French Jesuits in 1595 when he was just 14 years old. It was initially intended to be a penmanship exercise. Still, historians claim that the precepts learned from those writings guided him through the Revolutionary war and his two terms as President.

In a world where the best arguments are supported by three examples, bar stools have four legs, our Constitution has ten original amendments, and the Bible gave us ten commandments (15 for Mel Brooks fans), Washington’s book packs a whopping 110 rules. Some are only short, declarative sentences, while others are longer and more complex. None exceed a single page.

Many of Washington’s rules give us a glimpse into life during his time, like #9, “Spit not into the fire, nor stoop low before it; neither put your hands into the flames to warm them, nor set your feet upon the fire, especially if there be meat before it.” That seems simple enough.

There are also a few rules that should go without saying, such as #2., “When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body not usually discovered,” and #7, “Put not off your clothes in the presence of others, nor go out of your chamber half dressed.” Were these problems during the 18th century?

By the time our list of rules gets up into the 90s, it begins to tackle a series of dining etiquette issues that would give Emily Post a run for her money. #90 says, “Being set at meat scratch not, neither spit, cough or blow your nose except there’s a necessity for it.” and #94 tells us “If you soak bread in the sauce, let it be no more than what you put in your mouth at a time, and blow not your broth at table but stay ’til it cools of itself.” We are also cautioned in rule #97 to “Put not another bite into your mouth ’til the former be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.”

I have known about this book for some time. Readings and documentaries, etc. occasionally allude to passages in the book within the context of Washinton’s leadership. One rule frequently cited is #69, “If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained and be not obstinate in your own opinion. In things indifferent be of the major side.” That’s politics 101.

Another story frequently told is of Washington’s anguish at the thought of punishing, and even executing men for desertion. #23 guides us, “When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.”

The real value of the book; the most precious principles are those that I wish I had been exposed to at the age of 14. I may have been. Perhaps I was taught these values, and it just didn’t take. I can’t dismiss that possibility, but I wish I had been wise enough to adhere to a few of these along the way, like # 44, “When a man does all he can, though it succeed not well, blame not him that did it” or #65 that advises, “Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest; scoff at none although they give occasion.”

A lesson that would certainly have saved me some trouble in my youth was #56, “Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for ’tis better to be alone than in bad company.” Hindsight is 20/20, but I should have better observed #82 and #89 which caution, “Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise,” and “Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.”

What really defines the character and spirit of the book for me is how it begins and ends. Rule #1 says, “Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present” and #110 concludes the book with, “Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.”

Washington’s rules are at best, borrowed, and the archaic language can be a bit thick at times. For all of its awkwardness, the axioms laid out in the book are timeless; enough so that they are better learned late than never.