Typhoid Mary and getting things under control

Welcome back. We took a couple of weeks off for the holidays, but it was not without adventure. A member of my family, Typhoid Mary, returned from college with a case of the Covid. While the rest of you were enjoying New Year’s Day and contemplating the workout routine that you won’t continue, I was camped out at the Community Hospital emergency room.

What I found most interesting about the experience is that the staff have shields that go well beyond the masks that we are encouraged to wear. They look more like gladiators and remind me of the dirt track racers I watched as a kid. The only thing missing are tear-off mud strips. If this were an intestinal virus, perhaps they would have those too.

Personally, I prefer the bandana. I have read that they are marginally less effective than the mask, but it still fogs up my glasses and requires me to smell my own breath, which is more self-awareness than anyone should ask for. I just purchased an Irish Republican Army bandana (my terrorist organization of choice) and am waiting on that to arrive.

It’s mostly an aesthetic issue. I’m going for that 19th-century bank robber look. Let’s face it, if you were driving a stagecoach full of gold and a bunch of guys rolled down on you wearing surgical masks, you would just wave and keep driving. Guys with the triangular bandanas mean business.

Typhoid Mary is doing fine. We had some temperature fluctuations but dealt with them with simple acetaminophen. We are hunkered down as directed, and check our pulse-ox daily and those levels remain OK. For those of you who don’t have a pulse oximeter at home, I would recommend one. They only cost about $25 and they will tell you when you need to get your butt to the hospital.

On another note, I just want to briefly address the violence in Washington, D.C. I have been to the Capitol as a tourist a few times. I had the honor of being a guest at the White House once. I have attended shows at the (lately disreputed) Kennedy Center and even had a friend who had a condo at the Watergate. He had a cockroach problem, which I found sort of poetic.

It hurts me to see DC overrun by thugs. It’s not just because it’s my old stomping ground. These are our national symbols. I don’t care if it’s tattooed kids with nose rings in Portland or guys in maga hats in DC. This can’t happen. Ideally, I would prefer to address the sociological motivations for this stuff. Yes, we need to restore faith in the electoral process, but this needs to stop. I am not normally a fan of heavy-handed law enforcement (especially when it’s directed at me) , but we need to get this under control.

Now that I have lightened the mood with sunshine and roses, I wish you and your families a happy new year. Be well.