Road Runner vs. Coyote

So my kids are too young to remember the Looney Tunes cartoons with the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote, but the coyotes continuously failed quests to keep up with that clever bird describes exactly how I feel about my kids and technology. Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out and am one step ahead of them, I find out they’ve already passed me by and I’m left standing in their dust, a good mile behind them. “Beep, beep! Zoom….” And the anvil falls on my head.

My 5th grader’s social life has suddenly taken off and lately, instead of coming home and playing with her dolls or watching Disney shows, she would rather spend an hour or two, chatting or direct messaging or housepartying, whatever its all called, with all her local peeps. She’s gone from not even knowing where her phone was or even if it was turned on, to having it glued to her palms. I’m not sure what happened in the last few months, but I’ve gone to being on top of her technology usage to now playing catch up on a weekly basis.

At first, I thought I would just bring out some of my old policies from her sister’s early tween days, 4 or 5 years ago, and have her keep the phone on the kitchen counter at all times, turned off by 9 p.m. and only used for one hour in the evenings. Then I would make sure to randomly check her text messages and any social apps to see who all she’s talking to or who is trying to talk to her, etc. So, I did that for a few weeks until I started seeing all these notifications pop up from apps I had no idea what they were. I clicked on some, which opened all kinds of different pages I didn’t know how to get out of.

It was then I realized all my detective strategies for iPhones from when her big sisters were younger, was way out of date and so much has changed over the last 4 or 5 years. Checking text messages or Facetime contacts was like me using a rotary wall phone when she’s using an iPhone X.

She’s not, but you catch my drift. There were so many new apps on her phone that I didn’t recognize so I had no clue. In my old brain, I thought most the apps were to play games. That’s what 11 year olds do with their phones, right? Other than to call their moms after practice, what else would they need a phone for?

She asked me if she could have Snapchat, which is a big red flag in our house based on past experience, so I said no and thought, as Wile E. Coyote did, I’ve got her blocked in, I’m winning the phone game.

Well, like the Road Runner, she found new ways to send picture messages that disappear after they’re sent on Instagram. Great! Even her older sisters didn’t know that! We’re so out of the loop! So I caught her on that and had a sit down about responsibility and consequences and I was daily checking that app. But a week later, some new notification pops up asking if some dude could join her Houseparty! She’s having a house party? Come to find out, everyone can join the Houseparty if invited and accepted.

Oh, how wonderful! So there I was, a mile behind her again with the Coyote’s dynamite blowing up in my face.

So I’ve been checking her phone multiple times an evening this week, seeing what and who and when and even opening her messages and deleting people at random, taking control! My daughter, my phone, my house, I am in charge! This week it seemed she had pretty much forgot about her phone, or so I thought. The other night I heard her talking to someone in her room but her phone was in the kitchen, so I rushed up to see what she was doing and by cracky, she fooled me again! She was using her iPad to Facetime and direct message and Houseparty! Alright, Road Runner, that’s it! Guess what??? Now it’s time for the Super Acme Rocket!! I am changing the passwords to the App store so no more downloading at random and I’m putting passwords on your devices so now you have to come ask Wile E. Coyote before you do anything!! Aha!! Ahead again!!!!