Parenting agenda for teenage girls

So as a mother of teenage girls, long car rides alone with them are almost always a guarantee that important life conversations will take place. I don’t force anything, but I certainly open the gates and let the conversation flow where it can. I use these car rides to not only find out as much information as I possibly can about what’s all going on in their personal lives but also their friends’ personal lives or anyone else in their school as far as that goes. If I get lucky and they’re feeling super talkative, I can gain a lot of info in a short amount of time. I purposely don’t act shocked about anything they share and just act cool and let it all soak in. I pretty much play stupid and ask questions I basically already know the answer to, but I like to see how much they’ll spill or if what I’ve heard is true or not.

I feel like I’m getting pretty good as these artificial interrogation sessions and I’m wondering if I should have chosen a career in detective work instead. A good memory, particular question placement in a conversation, and well-placed pauses can be very effective! I got to put this into practice last Friday when I was able to spend a couple hours drive with one of my teenage daughters, just her and I confined to the front seat of the truck seat belted in for the afternoon.

I had a list of things I’d been wanting to chat about with her without her sisters and Dad around so it was perfect. Plus….she was in a good mood and seemed willing to visit. The first hour or so was all about this girl and that girl and this boy and that boy and what drama was going on with this couple or that couple. I laughed when she told me funny stories about a few of those kids but then I was horrified with stories of some different kids. Again, I played it cool, and didn’t gasp and freak out upon hearing what some high school kids choose to do these days, but man I wanted to! I kinda wanted to turn the truck around and whisk her and sisters away to remote Alaska for the rest of their lives.

Anyway, as the conversation continued, I finally took my opportunity to talk to her about the things that had been on my mind. Recently, her heart was stolen by an adorable young man so I felt it was necessary to check off some Items of Discussion on my Parenting Agenda for Teenage Girls. The moment came when I had her attention and so I started with “I was a teenager once so I understand what you’re feeling” line, which now I totally regret because I think that’s every kid’s warning as to the awkward conversation that follows. She played along and agreed with my comments and suggestions that I tried to politely and discretely discuss with her but whether it sunk in is up for debate.

As I continued to check things off my Parenting Agenda, trying my best to drive home lessons about respecting yourself, having a good reputation, setting goals and prioritizing them, I saw her becoming more preoccupied with her phone. I knew I was gonna lose her so I knew I needed to finish up fast. I closed my Discussion Items with the one thing she had been having trouble understanding, why her Dad was being a little stubborn with everything. I explained to her that her Dad is very protective of her and was basically the first “boyfriend” in her life. He loved her first, and the most, and always would and that’s why he is hesitant about her relationships. It isn’t always because he doesn’t approve of who she likes, it’s just that he is very picky about who she gives her heart too (and maybe a little jealous too).

As I was saying all that, I was choking back tears and begging myself not to cry, telling myself to play it cool, take advantage of this time, don’t ruin it by getting all emotional. And as I was fighting back my emotions and laying it all out there, I look over and she’s messaging someone on her phone and throwing out the occasional “I know” and “okay” to keep me pacified as I blabber on. I honestly don’t think she absorbed half of what I was yammerin’ about. I felt like an idiot for being sappy and then knew I blew my opportunity to get that message across successfully. I decided to put that item back on the Items of Discussion and tabled it for another meeting, and I won’t bawl about it. Oh well, at least we got most things checked off!