An awakening

Oh how I wish we didn't have to face the idea of dying, but it seems it takes a death for everyone to step back and appreciate all they have in life. At least it sure does for me. I spent most of last week trying to be happy on the outside and just roll with the daily stress of my life, but behind my positive façade, I was complaining about every stupid, little thing and finding the negative in about all the situations. It was my middle daughter's birthday on the weekend, so I was determined to slap a smile on my irritated face, but it sure wasn't easy. Life was catching up with me and it seemed no matter which direction I turned, I found something wrong with it. I was trying to soak up the good things and enjoy my time spent with family and friends but during the quiet times, I couldn't stop thinking of all I needed to do but wasn't getting done and for Pete's sakes, how gosh darn tired I was!

Tired of never being caught up on the laundry, never having the house cleaned and never being home long enough to cook a good meal. Tired of whiney, unappreciative kids that are always asking for a few bucks but won't make their flippin' beds or put their clean clothes away. Tired of Hubby being gone all the time and being tired when he is home. Tired of being the one who has to be in charge of everything for everyone and never doing anything I want to do.

Then early Monday morning, as I stood in the bathroom, getting ready for work, wishing I could stay home and catch up on things, maybe have a second cup of coffee, I get a shocking text that a friend of mine has passed away. Younger than my parents age and fairly sudden. I read the text from my phone on the counter, looked back up in the mirror at my sulking face and instantly had a huge rush of sadness fill my chest. I looked at myself for a few seconds and thought, my friend would give anything to be alive and well and getting ready for work and here I stand feeling sorry for myself.

As the guilty overwhelmed me, I immediately apologized to God for my bellyaching and self-pity party, and thanked Him for my life and my family and even for all my so-called problems. I am grateful for my overflowing laundry and messy house. I'm happy to be here and in charge of everything and have people to be in charge of. And I can't even explain how thankful I am to have those three whiney girls who keep asking me for money and that wonderful, worn out and grouchy husband. I love my chaotic and messy life and I am sorry for taking it for granted.

I am so, so sorry for the passing of my friend and I'm sorry that it takes a death to pull me out of my selfish slump. I asked God to bless my friend and his family, finished my makeup, peeked in on my baby girl still snoozing away in the early morning hours, sent my older two daughters "I love you" texts since they were on their way out of town for basketball, prayed for their safe return and then sent Hubby a heart emoji.

Being a mom isn't easy, can be overwhelming a lot the time, and it's hard to find the good in it when things pile up, but I wouldn't trade it for anything and it's worth every ounce of heartache just to experience it! Just wish it didn't take a heartache to remember this......