Please accept my apology

So just so I'm clear, I'm sorta weird about my house. I'm not a Martha Stewart or a June Cleaver freak about keeping things spotless but I like to have things tidy if nothing else.

Well, living a life with two full-time jobs and three busy kiddos leaves my house untidy more often than not, which between you and me, drives me crazy.

I've learned to be accepting to a point, but when everyone else is looking forward to lounging on their day off, I look forward to making my list of cleaning to-do's.

Having a clean house just makes me a happier person and much more pleasant to be around. Ask my family.

Saying all that, just wanted to know one thing. Why, on God's green earth, does the pest control guy always show up on the days that my house at its very worst? Sometimes it's a scheduled appointment, but most times, it's just a drop-in.

I'm totally fine with not having man-eating spiders crawling on my children, but I feel so embarrassed that every time they come over, it looks like my house should be on the Hoarders show.

When they call and ask, "Hey, mind if we stop over. We had a cancellation and ... ," I just want to stop them right there and say, "Yes, BUT ... please don't hold the condition of my house against me!"

Then I replay in my head how destroyed the house was when we left that morning. I feel like I should send them an apology note saying sorry for failing as a housekeeper, and sorry I played games on the iPad the night before instead of picking up. Please don't judge. And please, by all that is holy, don't share with the town all that you witnessed as you went from room to room.

Then, to top it all off, we hardly ever have repairmen come over since I sorta live with a contractor, but ... recently we had to have the plumber come by to fix a stubborn leak we didn't have time to deal with.

Hubby texts me at work and informed me that he was done putting temporary bandaids on it so he just called his plumber friend to come over and fix it and now we're all good.

I asked, "You mean he already came or do I have time to run home and tidy up a bit?" He replies, "Already came, don't worry about it."

Don't worry about it? Ya right.

Five bucks says the plumber wasn't blaming our messy house on Hubby but rather good ol' me. My name gets attached to the mess, somehow, not his. Anyway, this poor plumber probably witnessed things in my laundry room that he wishes he hadn't. Or at least I wish he hadn't. Not to mention the rest of the house all in disarray from another crazy week. Awww ... how humiliating!

Anyway, I know I'm not personally responsible for all the messes throughout the joint, and the girls cause the majority of it, but like I said, it's my name that is attached to the condition of my home.

I look like the lazy lady, or at least I sure feel that way.

So I think I might type up some disclaimer and permanently affix it to the front door. In it, I will begin by asking them to please accept my apology for my house and explain that if they show up unexpected, I cannot guarantee its cleanliness.

I will specify that I would prefer them to show up on the tidy days rather than the trashed days, but if they so choose not to, then enter at your own risk.

I still will be utterly humiliated but at least they'll know, if given the choice, I would never have anyone over with it looking like it does. Goes against my nature ...