Warning: Approaching objects may be fueled by bad advice

Declan is approaching the downhill stretch of his third grade year and our "experiences" over the last year have evolved as I think most people would have anticipated. He amazes himself on a near daily basis by figuring out life lessons he previously argued, with stubborn abandon, were impossible for him to master.

"I tied my shoes today!" Declan announced with great excitement last week.

It was difficult for me to muster a smile and offer the expected praise, given the painstakingly long time it has taken to hear those words.

"I have been telling you for four years you could do it if you would just try!" I so desperately wanted to say.

"Great job buddy! I knew you could do it," I said instead.

Although I sometimes feel like I'm less patient with Declan than when he was my adorable little kindergartner, this new, more stubborn than ever third-grade version of him is not short on charisma either.

"It's really tough to get a girlfriend," he said to me recently, with an unusually serious tone.

"Why do you think that," I asked, pondering to myself the set of circumstances leading to his inquiry.

"I don't know, they just don't like me," he said indifferently.

"With those dimples? I find that hard to believe," I replied.

After a brief intermission dedicated to the definition of a dimple, our conversation continued.

"Well, they just don't like it when I pick my nose or act silly," he clarified.

"Declan, I don't think anyone likes it when you pick your nose. You really need to stop doing that in front of people," I advised.

Declan didn't seem the least bit dismayed by my comment, in fact, I could tell by the look on his face he was weighing whether or not a girlfriend was worth putting himself through the rigors of proper nose etiquette.

"There is this girl I like," he eventually added with a smile.

"Oh really?" I could hardly contain my excitement. My motivational efforts pertaining to him tying his shoes had failed miserably over the last few years primarily because it simply didn't bother him if the other kids in his class could tie their shoes and he couldn't. This new development, a girl he liked, could hold the key to my motivational success in the near future. I wasted no time fanning the flames.

"So who is she? Did you talk to her," I asked.

"No. I saw her at lunch but I didn't know what to say. I followed her around the playground though," he said proudly with a boyish grin.

"And then what?" I prodded.

"She turned around and asked me why I was following her," he responded with a shrug.

When I inquired further Declan said he didn't know what to tell her, so he just stared at her in silence, which led to an awkward moment.

"Well, next time, try to be friendly. When you see her at lunch, wave to her and smile. If she asks you why your following her on the playground just tell her 'I'm not following you, your following me,' something funny like that," I responded, envisioning a playful exchange of giggles and smiles as the two youngsters played coy.

Declan seemed confused for a moment but then appeared to take comfort in my advice.

The next day he informed me, with more than a little excitement, he had followed the girl around the playground and she had once again turned and asked him why he was following her. This time his response was ready.

"I'm not following you, your following me!" he exclaimed proudly and with a giant smile.

Hearing Declan's description of the moments afterwards it quickly became clear the young girl was even more confused by his obviously flawed response. I had overlooked the literal nature of grade schoolers and the playful exchange I had envisioned turned into another awkward moment.

Luckily for me, Declan was so proud of himself for having an answer to her question ready, that he didn't realize I hadn't exactly armed him with a "girlfriend-getter" response.

I joined in on his excitement, cheering his reply and disregarding the results, while making a mental note to get a lot better at doling out girl advice, real soon.