It's time to rethink funerals

Although I'm sure there are some, I don't know anyone who enjoys going to funerals. They're long, boring, depressing and mournful, as has been the tradition of funerals throughout recorded history. It's intended to be a solemn occasion where we pay our "last respects" to the person who died but often that person is rarely mentioned in the funeral itself.

In ancient times when not very much was known about dying, all sorts of strange rituals occurred after someone had passed, including a close relative being present in the last moments of a person's life to try and inhale the dying person's last breath. Much of that is nothing more than a footnote in history today but American funerals have been much the same throughout my life, although they vary between secular and religious ceremonies and religious ceremonies vary according to denomination and sect.

I think when a person dies, his life should be celebrated, not mourned. Memories of him or her should bring smiles, not tears, but that's not the way it's done in most places by most people. They make it a solemn occasion and I think it's time for a change. The very word funeral suggests a dour presentation of a person's life and, in Christian funerals, much of the time is spent assuring the mourners that they will be reunited with the dead in the hereafter. That admonition is steeped in religious tradition but I think it's an unnecessary part of a funeral service because Christians already believe that. In fact, their eternal hope in life is that they will be reunited with their loved ones in death and few need to be reminded of that during a funeral.

I will not have a funeral when I die because I don't want anyone paying their last respects to me. I prefer that they join together to celebrate my life rather than mourn my death so I have already planned it in detail and provided the funds to pay for it. I have written down where it will be held, who will be in charge, who will participate and what kind of music will be played. I know that my enemies will not attend so it will be a gathering of my friends and they will share specific remembrances of me with other friends who are there. There may be some tears but I hope they're tears of happiness rather than tears of sadness because I've loved the life I've been privileged to live so far.

Something else that has always perplexed me has been the remembrances and accolades for a person AFTER they die when I think those things should be said before someone dies. I attended a funeral this week and the church was full, something I'm sure would have warmed the heart of the deceased but he was not there to see it.

When a good friend of mine died a few years back, that gathering place was full as well and almost everyone retired to his favorite haunt afterwards for food and drink and shared remembrances of his life; something I think he would have never expected. I suppose we'll never acknowledge the gifts an individual brings to this world that no one else can while they're still alive but I think we should.

I'm not a fan of open caskets either because that's not the person I knew lying there, it's only the body he occupied while he was on this earth. The person consisted of his personality, his vibrancy, his enthusiasm for life, his ability to celebrate life and those things died with him. So we drain his body of blood, infuse it with embalming fluid and represent that hollow shell as being him when it's not. My body won't be at my memorial service but my spirit will and it's a person's spirit that defines them as a human being.

Finally, end of life remembrances are as much for the family of the deceased as they are for the deceased himself. They need the comfort. They need assurances that the person had value and was liked or even loved by many because that's how he will be remembered in their hearts. So the more personal testimonies there are, the more it aids and comforts the family members that survive him.

These are just my ideas and they may conflict or even insult your own. It is not my intention to do that. I have always lived my life a little different than most and will continue to do so. And in the end, after my memorial service is over, life will go on as it always does and I will be thought about less and less as the days go by.

I just want there to be one last glorious party in my name after I've passed into the eternal night, never to be seen or heard from again.