85 percent is all you get

So I realized that when my girls are super big trouble, not just petty stuff, and I ask them to tell the truth as to what happened and offer them three separate chances to come clean, at the end I only get about 85 percent of the truth and the rest is exaggerated to cover their fannies. They think they've fooled me but like I've stressed to them over the years, a mama ALWAYS knows and I know when I've gotten the whole truth and nothing but the whole truth, so help me ...

Anyway, I decided that when the next conflict arises and they only give me 85 percent of the truth, leaving out the important parts that may get them in trouble, I'm going to implement my new 85 percent Is All You Get Plan. For instance, I'm only going to feed them 85 percent of the time. So 5.95 days of the week they'll get meals and the other 1.05, sorry, no food. They really like to eat, so that might really sting when they have to go over 24 hours with no food. And since they like to leave out 15 percent of the important stuff, I'm afraid I'll have to leave out their favorite foods for that 1.05 days. Bummer!

Then I'm only going to do 85 percent of their laundry. That sounds like they'll still get a good majority of their clothes clean, but once again since the 15 percent is the important stuff, I'll probably not wash their uniform, favorite jeans, or expensive shirt. Maybe for the 15 percent, I'll leave out just their good socks, leaving them only their holiday socks to wear to practices and P.E., and if I don't wash their uniform, no deodorant around is going to mask that smell. Maybe a little embarrassment might help them remember that 15 percent of the truth that I originally asked for.

Or how about I only pay for 85 percent of their stuff? That would really get their goat. When they whine for new tennis shoes or new boots, I can say, "Well, sure, I'll buy 85 percent of the boots and you can pay the remaining 15 percent."

And when they reply, "Well, I don't have any money," then I can say, "Well, I guess you're not getting new boots." Same will apply to every time they want $5 for concessions or $20 for a movie and popcorn. "Here's your $4.25 towards concessions, my dear child." And when they say, "That won't get me a hotdog and coke that I want," I'll say, "Well then, go ask for 85 percent of the hotdog and a coke with 15 percent already gone and see if they'll let you pay $4.25."

At home I'll let them watch 85 percent of the favorite show and, again, since the 15 percent is the important parts, I'll shut it off with 6 minutes left, when all the excitement of the show begins. They'll never know which dancer was kicked off the team or what happened to their favorite Disney tween star. Then I'll let them play 85 percent of the computer and 85 percent of the iPad, not letting them finish their game. I'll let them have 85 percent of their after-school snack, take them 85 percent of the way to school and let them walk the remaining 15 percent, study for 85 percent of their test and see what kind of grade they get. Probably guessing it'll be a what? ... an 85 percent.

This is very simple to me and should get the message across loud and clear that 85 percent doesn't cut it. If they don't want to lose 15 percent of everything, then I don't want to hear 85 percent of the truth.

Next time I'm pulling out the Bible and we're gonna do the "place your right hand" method and I'm gonna ask for 100 percent of the whole truth, nothing but the truth or so help me, they'll be quickly introduced to my new 85 percent Is All You Get Plan.