Peaceful and serene

On Sept. 1, the apartment complex I live in instituted a no-smoking policy that includes apartments and common areas of the buildings, but excludes decks on those apartments that have them.

I've been a smoker since I was 18 with no ill effects yet (knock on wood) but we never know what tomorrow might bring. I'm one of those who smoke for pleasure, not habit and, if need be, can go long periods of time without smoking, which I often do.

But the deck reintroduced me to a part of life I've neglected for the past several years and, in that sense, being pushed out on my deck to smoke has been a liberating experience. I used to grill on the deck along with soaking up some sun, but have done neither recently.

My very first trip out on the deck to smoke reminded me of what I've been missing. I get up every morning between four and five because I've always believed that too much sleep is a waste of time. I spend a lot of time thinking about my life, what I have and what I've lost and I like to be in control of those thoughts, rather than turning them over to the dream world which I have no control over at all. That particular Sept. 1 morning, I got up earlier than usual, made a pot of coffee and took a cup along with a cigarette out with me. I immediately discovered that McCook is a magical place at that time of day.

It's perfectly still, with the only sounds being the gentle ruffling of the leaves from a gentle breeze sifting through the air. There are no cars anywhere, because most people are still asleep. There are no sounds of gunshots echoing in a distant part of town, no police helicopters with their loud engines and bright search lights panning the ground beneath them, no gangs up to no good and no houses being broken into. In McCook at four in the morning, it's perfectly peaceful and serene.

Every morning I go out on the deck again a little before six to watch the Great Lakes plane from North Platte come in from the north. Because I'm on the third floor, I can see its lights shortly after it takes off from some 60 miles away and watch it get closer and closer over the next 15 minutes or so until it makes its final turn east for its final descent into the McCook airport. I think about the passengers it's picking up in McCook and where they're going. They're all going to Denver and some to places much farther away. Some are going for business, some for pleasure and some, unfortunately, for tragedies that have affected them, their families and their friends.

The traffic starts to pick up around five in my part of town because of people going to work at the hospital and it steadily increases for the rest of the morning. This morning, a flight for life helicopter landed at the hospital, just two or three minutes before the Great Lakes plane landed at the airport. So while some people were boarding the plane for Denver with hope and excitement in their hearts and minds, another person was being flown out, most likely fighting for their life.

And so are the twists and turns of life on this planet and I feel fortunate to live in a town where most people feel safe most of the time. Even though we have political and social differences that often place us on opposite ends of the spectrum, neither I nor most of those on the other side ever let those differences become personal. We find common ground with each other and emphasize the positive rather than the negative which is as it should be.

I've become much more reflective since I started going out of the deck and I'm a better person for it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the details of life that we don't take time to savor the good things. Or we're so focused on what we DON'T have that we fail to appreciate the things we do.

My life sure isn't perfect. I've made many wrong turns and many bad decisions. But I didn't know they were wrong turns and bad decisions when I made them. I used my intellect, my experience and my emotions to chart my course and when I was more in charge than anyone else, most of them worked out to my satisfaction. It's when someone else is more in control of your life than you are that you have to take what is given to you whether you like it or not and that's where most of my personal pain comes from. As much as we can control ourselves, we can't control others and when they make decisions that impact on us negatively, the only thing we can do is lick our wounds because they're in charge and we're not.

This peaceful solitude I've found out on my deck early in the morning and late at night has changed how I think about a lot of things and it's a gift everyone should give to themselves. You don't all have third story decks but some of you do, along with patios and front and back yards where you can accomplish the same thing.

Although we're social animals who need each other, moments of quiet reflection is necessary too to help us keep our heads on straight. I re-discovered that on September 1st and I'll never lose it again.