We're not always right

Most of us think way too highly of ourselves. We develop some expertise in a particular area and the more confidence we gain, the more likely we are to eventually consider ourselves infallible in whatever our endeavor is. The problem is that none of us ARE infallible; we just like to think we are.

But everybody gets it wrong sometimes; scientists, theologians, bankers, investors, builders, professors and everybody else in the world. A lifetime batting average of .300 for a major league baseball player will likely secure a spot for that player in the baseball hall of fame. What it means is that he was only successful in his task less than one third of the time. For every three hits he gets, he makes seven outs.

We recently suffered through a severe economic crisis brought about, to a large extent, by gross mismanagement and poor predictions made by the major banks in this country.

Most stock brokers aren't much better at picking stocks that are going to increase in value than the average person on the street is.

Scientists are constantly rethinking and re-theorizing principles and proofs that were once etched in stone.

One would think that because of all the mistakes we make, we would be much more cautious and much less secure about decisions we're going to make in the future but that has never been a part of the American character. Many people are not deterred at all, even when they make the same mistakes over and over.

I have long been a student of human behavior, even before I took my first Sociology course. It has always amazed and confounded me to just watch what people do, what they say, how they dress and how they make the decisions they do. When I was able to combine that curiosity within a scientific framework, I began to develop a real knack for sizing up people quickly and making almost instantaneous decisions about them. This led me to embrace some and reject others based on my judgment of the kind of relationship I would or wouldn't have with them. For the most part, my judgments have been more right than wrong except in one very important area.

I haven't been very good at all at sizing up women I've been in romantic relationships with. Even when I get to know them better than anyone else does to the point that I can complete their sentences for them, I still assign them qualities they don't possess and that's one of the most frustrating failures of my life. I'm sure the reason for this is because my ego gets in the way and I assign them qualities I WANT them to have rather than qualities they do have. And, in doing that, I've had my heart broken because I read them wrong.

That's the unknown quality of any relationship. We only know what they tell us and we feel like we must believe what they say for the relationship to have any chance of surviving and prospering. But often people tell us what they think we want to hear rather than telling us the truth and that ultimately is the death knell for a relationship. For a relationship to improve as time wears on, it must be based on truth and honesty, not lies and deception.

Notice I didn't say endure, I said improve. Many relationships endure throughout the years even though there is no honesty in the relationship at all. People sort of get lulled to sleep because things have become predictable and routine and it's just easier to stay in it than get out of it.

But in doing so, the people in those kinds of relationships are not only denying themselves happiness and joy, they're also denying others the chance to develop a meaningful relationship with them too.

We play a lot of games with ourselves and others because we want to be right all the time about everything. But usually we're not.

And sometimes we're more wrong than right.