Spider-1, Mom-0

Moms are supposed to take care of everyone else, right? They don't dare be sick, or injured. No way.

There are meals to be made, clothes to be washed and kids to boss around. I admit that God did not bless me with the most compassionate bones when it comes to taking care of sick kids or Hubby, but I'd much rather be the nurse, then the patient. Plus, I don't have time to deal with my own health issues. I've got stuff to do, for Pete's sake!

Well, a couple of weeks ago, Mr. Brown, Long-legged Spider, who took up residence in my garage over the winter, decided that perhaps maybe I did need something of my own to deal with. You know, 'cause I didn't have enough to do. So, he decided to give me a nice, juicy bite right on my back, in a spot that I practically have to dislocate my shoulders to reach.

I always have bad reactions to spider bites but I've learned how to deal with them over the years. However, Mr. Spider's bite started to take on quite a different appearance than usual and seemed to be getting worse, instead of better. The pain of the bite felt like I was constantly getting stung by a wasp in the same spot over and over all day. I was trying to continue on doing my "mom" duties but I was having hard to time hiding the torture that was erupting on my back.

I finally broke down and admitted to Hubby that I'd been bitten and I was gonna have to have him look at it, cause I couldn't for the life of me reach it well enough to really tell what the heck was going on. I knew that meant he would want to perform amateur surgery on it, and, of course, the kids would have to drop what they're doing to join in on the fun. The reaction I got when I revealed Mr. Spider's handiwork to my family was just the beginning of my humiliation.

"OH MY GOSH!" and "OH, MAN, Mom!" over and over, the girls repeated out loud as they tried not to stare at my repulsive growth. "Geez, honey," Hubby cringed. Wow ... I knew it looked pretty nasty, as far as bites go, but I was physically grossing out my whole family to the point of gagging. That sure makes a mom feel real good about herself. Then, for some stupid reason, I kept apologizing to them, like I meant to have this purple, bulging foreigner on my back.

Hubby attempted to poke and prod the infected mass but he didn't get anywhere. All he accomplished was to send my girls running in opposite directions, heaving and hollering. Ol' Mr. Spider had sure done a number on me. Hubby asked me to call the doctor but I was bound and determined I could nurse it back to health by myself, plus I wasn't paying someone to tell me, "Yep, it's a spider bite. Put some hydrocortisone on it."

However, as the week went on, the spider bite progressed from bad to worse and from gross to revolting. Some days, I was certain that Mr. Spider had laid eggs in my back and in fact, one night I had dreams that baby spiders were crawling all over me. My mom suggested that maybe a mini-head would pop out of it that looked just like me. What a comforting thought that was ... NOT!

The whole situation was SO aggravating and even more humiliating. I was walking around with a painful hump on my back. My girls made fun of me when I bent over and you could see the growth through the back of my t-shirt, and cleared the room in disgust when it came to time to re-bandage it. I couldn't sit back on any chair or couch and I'm sure looked rather dorky always sitting at a 90 degree angle, even driving around town. But like I said, I had things to do and kids to take care of, I did NOT have time for a stupid spider bite.

Plus, we had my girls last basketball tournament out of town that weekend and I was going, spider bite or not. However, I wondered if I was even allowed to go when my oldest daughter asked, "You're not gonna swim at the hotel with that thing on your back, are ya?" Uh, no! Yes, honey, I'm gonna walk around the pool area with my ginormous, oozing bite displayed for everyone and make sure I ask you to help me clean in front of your friends. I assured her that I would remain covered at all times and not mention a word about it.

To make a short story long, I did finally give in and reluctantly went and saw the doctor, ONLY because I made the mistake of looking up "spider bites" on the Internet. There isn't a horror movie that even compares to the internet images of people's out of control spider bites. Anyway, I managed to even gross out the nurse and then slightly creeped out the doctor. Haven't they seen it all? Apparently not, so I agreed to some antibiotics and out the door I went.

Needless to say, I'm doing much better and back to my "mom" routine. Now I'm the one bandaging little kid's scrapes and passing out medicine to snotty noses. The other side of the coin I'd much rather be! Thanks, Mr. Spider, for sharing the love and throwing quite a wrench in my schedule!