You got me in trouble

I remember one time when my boys were young, Michael had gotten into some mischief and I scolded him for it. He ran into the living room crying and told his mom that "Daddy got me in trouble." I quickly reminded him that I didn't get him in trouble, he got himself in trouble.

Another time, when Michael and Will were toddlers, the house got quiet. Now every parent knows a quiet house is not a good sign when you have two boys under two years old because it usually means they're up to no good. So I walked through the house looking for them and found them in the bathroom, shoving rolls of toilet paper down the stool. When they looked up and saw me, panic spread over their faces, they immediately pointed at each other and almost simultaneously said "He made me do it."

The reluctance to take personal responsibility for our actions has become almost pandemic in our culture. I was watching a golf tournament a couple of weeks ago when an up and coming star, Jeff Overton, had a five foot putt to win the tournament. He made what looked to be a good putt and began striding towards the hole to retrieve his ball from the bottom of the cup when it swirled around the inside of the hole and lipped out. Now his body language up until then said to the fans that he thought he had made the putt. But once it lipped out, he began pointing frantically with his club at a spot on the ground, as if to say to everyone that the ball hit something that made it not go in, instead of taking personal responsibility for missing the putt. Maybe there WAS a ball mark or something that slightly redirected his putt, but he's supposed to see that and repair it before he putts the ball. Overton, through his actions, was saying "It's not my fault."

I've written in this column before about Facebook, both pro and con, and the social networking site has become the blame agent lately for just about everything. I know some people who avoid it like the plague. I became involved in a heated discussion with a friend the other day who called it *%$#^+#%@* ridiculous. People have this attitude because people sometimes post things on Facebook that should be kept to themselves and, occasionally they get in trouble for it. Jobs have been lost, friendships severed, and relationships ended because of inappropriate Facebook postings.

Where we err is when we blame Facebook for these things. To my knowledge, Facebook isn't practicing mind control; it isn't compelling us to post things we shouldn't. It simply provides an opportunity for us to keep up with our friends where that opportunity previously didn't exist. What we post is OUR responsibility. If you're married or in a relationship and you're posting intimate things to a person of the opposite sex, you should be prepared for the consequences when your loved one finds out. If you're posting things your employer finds inappropriate, you shouldn't be shocked when you're handed a pink slip. If you're bad-mouthing a friend, it should come as no great surprise if that person rescinds their friendship.

Flip Wilson, the comedian, used to say on his television show that "The Devil made me do it." Today, we just substitute Facebook for the Devil. But Facebook didn't make you do it. You did it of your own free will and it's time to man up and accept personal responsibility for your actions.

I have reconnected with people I haven't seen in 45 years through Facebook. I reported earlier this summer about going to a jam session in Fayetteville, Arkansas, with bands that played together when we were all students at the University of Arkansas. I would never have known about this annual event were it not for Facebook. I talk to my children daily on Facebook. I keep up with my former students and enjoy hearing about their new jobs, their new degrees, their marriages and their babies on Facebook.

Tuesday, many of us lost a dear friend when Ole Ohlson passed away. The tributes started appearing on Facebook just minutes after his death and continued all day long. People were instantly able to express their grief and share it with Ole's legions of friends. That would have been impossible just a few years ago. Social networking sites have become the new "party line" many of us had decades ago except now anyone we choose to be on our party line can be.

Facebook is an outlet, not a reason or a cause for behavior that might get us in trouble but in the social climate that currently exists, it's always easier to put the blame someplace else than to take personal responsibility for our own behavior.

"Facebook got me in trouble" just doesn't cut it with me.