Find something you enjoy

I was a pretty good athlete in high school and college and played all sports, except golf and tennis. After college, I picked up tennis and got good enough to represent the Tulsa police department in the Police Olympics held in Phoenix, Arizona with my doubles partner, Sgt. Jack McFarland. We didn't win but we held our own in the first round against the team from the Los Angeles police department and then the New York City police department team in the loser's bracket.

About the same time, I also tried my hand at golf. I swear it's the hardest sport in the world to get good at. I could never understand why I could hit a 90mph fastball or a 100 mph tennis serve but I couldn't hit a little white ball sitting on a tee but the fact was I couldn't do it with any regularity at all. But because I've always liked challenges, I stayed at it, refusing to let golf get the best of me, although it beat me a lot more than I beat it.

And that's been the story for the past 40 years or so. Some rounds I play are decent, some are bad, and more rounds are closer to the latter than the former but I've kept on playing and the first thing I admit to people is that I'm not a very good golfer.

Then an amazing thing happened about a month ago. Jim Lemon, my regular golf partner, and I teamed up with two other guys for a golf scramble at Cross Creek golf links in Cambridge. One of the guys was Bill Stokley, the former pro at Heritage Hills, who is now the golf coach for McCook Community College. I was having a horrible day. I just couldn't get off the tee, which is what I usually can't do anyhow, but because it was a team competition, I felt really bad about not contributing very much at all. Stokes is a good friend of mine and, because he's a friend AND a really good golfer, he didn't make any suggestions as we played the tournament and finished out of the money.

But a few days later at Heritage Hills, where he also works part time, he mentioned to me that I was teeing up the ball off my front foot and that I should move the ball farther back in my stance because my driver was already coming up at impact and that's why I was topping the ball so often. When you hit the top half of the ball, it drives it into the ground instead of the air and results in poor and embarrassing shots.

I told Stokes I was too old to change my habits so he made an alternate proposal. I had been teeing my ball very low to the ground so he suggested that since the club head was already inclining at impact that I should tee the ball up higher. I tried it and it worked the very first time and kept on working. It was magical. All my frustrations over the years and the anxiety I felt whenever I stood on the tee miraculously went away because now I could hit the ball. Not only could I hit it but I was hitting it further and straighter than ever. So I threw away my brush tees, got new longer traditional tees and a month later I've reduced my handicap by three strokes. The rest of my game has also improved because my driving has improved. Jim beat me the first seven times we played this summer and then, after I started getting off the tee thanks to Stokes' suggestion, I beat him the next six in a row. Now it's a real competition with no more than a stroke or two separating us whenever we play and in fact, the last two times we've tied which we've never done before in the four years we've been going head to head.

Now as strange as it may sound, this column isn't really about golf. I only used my golf story as an example for problem areas in our lives. It's about finding something you enjoy and doing everything you can to enjoy it even more. When you're able to do that, it adds happiness and joy to your life; whether it's a sport, a hobby, a job or a relationship.

Now this raises the ultimate question: Is everything fixable?

The answer of course is no. That's why the wise person figures out what can be fixed or corrected and what can't. Some relationships are so broken that all the kings' horses and all the kings' men couldn't put them back together again. When that's the case, the people involved should recognize the futility of trying to fix something that's unfixable and look for happiness elsewhere. A guy that's big and tall and runs the hundred meters in 13 seconds is never going to run it in 9 seconds, regardless of how hard he works and tries. Some things just can't be fixed.

But a lot of things can and we have to be smart enough to figure out what's fixable and what isn't. I knew it was possible to hit consistently good tee shots because I watch a lot of other amateurs with a handicap similar to mine do it. On the other hand, if you're working on something that CAN'T be fixed, you're just pounding your head against a brick wall.

I'm still not a very good golfer. But at least it's fun to play again and that's kind of what life is all about.