'Yabut' just won't cut it

Words like honor, respect and love can lose a little something, either in the expectations the words evoke or in the over-use or outright misuse of each one.

Look at love.

Primarily viewed as an emotion, the word love takes many forms in our day-to-day lives. Someone loves their job, which doesn't (or shouldn't) equate with the love they have for their children or their spouse.

"Isle of U" is one of those quick quips designed to fool the listener into thinking they heard one thing when what they thought they heard bears no resemblance to the words actually spoken. "Seems tubby" stumped me years ago when my supervisor at Diners Club used it, expecting me to hear, "Seems to be." I kept hearing "seems tubby" which made no sense at all, and my supervisor, obviously frustrated at my thick-headedness, finally spelled it out for me. Literally. An "aha" moment for me.

These are nothing but a disingenuous sleight of tongue. And in matters of the heart, sleight of tongue matters.

The root definitions of words like love, respect and honor matter a great deal.

It took me a long time to work through the whole "honor thy father and thy mother" commandment because for a very long time, I was in direct violation of that commandment as it pertained to my family of origin and I was fully aware that I was in direct violation of it.

For a child of God this is not a comfortable position to be in. Many was the time I sought to justify my position before my Father in heaven, giving him play-by-play reasons for my disobedience in this "one thing." I'd get to justification D and realize, all over again, that he already knew about that reason, and the one before it and the one that followed it.

But this wasn't so much about how my dad, or my mom, had failed in this regard or that, but whether or not I would fail in regard to this commandment, important enough to make God's Top Ten list.

Humans are fascinating. If I'm sure of anything, I'm sure that God is never bored with his creation. If for no other reason, than because we can come up with "yabuts" for just about anything.

"Thou shalt not steal."

"Yabut, what if your children are starving?" (Ever notice that our yabuts are always taken to the extreme?)

"Thou shalt not commit adultery."

"Yabut, my marriage is in shambles, my husband doesn't love me anymore, and this man makes me feel so alive."

Or, "Yabut, God wants me to be happy and this woman makes me happy."

As a parent, I know I grew weary of my children's "yabuts." I had another "aha" moment when I realized that I, as a child of God, was doing the same thing to my Father. (The older I get, the more "aha" moments I seem to have.)

I finally had to come to the realization that there are no codicils to any of the Top Ten. They are, in fact, written in stone. And I had to come to the realization that although I had no choice in who my parents would be, God did. And he chose Ramon and Francine Carlson.

Were they perfect? No more so than I am. No more so, I dare say, than you are or than your parents were. But they were my parents, chosen by God to provide, guide and guard. Only he knew how hard I would make it for them. And thankfully, he gave me sufficient time to grow into this understanding so that before they died, I did, finally -- albeit imperfectly and incompletely -- honor both of them. How I wish I'd had more time to do so. How I wish I could take back the buckets of trouble I poured over them in anger and ignorance because the wounds I inflicted were grievous.

It simply doesn't matter whether or not I -- or even the standards of the world -- deem my family of origin to be worthy of honor, respect or love. To paraphrase the Christian counselor and author Dan Allender, "God is a loving Father committed to my deepest well being, and he has the right to use everything that is in me for whatever purpose he deems best." If I can live at that level of faith, then the "Thou Shalts" and the "Thou Shalt Nots" take precedence over any worldly solutions to the problems of family, of neighbors, of worship, of idolatry. Yabuts just won't cut it.

"And God spake all these words, saying, 'I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage...'" Exodus 20:1, 2 and following. (KJV)