Be careful what you wish for

Most of us are familiar with the phrase, "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it." I had a girl tell me that once. I understand its meaning, but I've never quite been won over to its value. Certainly we might someday end up regretting wanting something, pining for something, perhaps even obsessing about something and then our prayers seem to be answered and we actually get what we wanted and end up regretting that we did.

The reason I question the value of such a sentiment is that there's absolutely no way to know until it happens. If it doesn't happen, we will always be regretful because we had constructed in our minds such a perfect outcome there's no way it could have been anything but glorious, inspiring and fulfilling because we obviously never have to deal with the reality of the situation.

I've known people to covet promotions, jobs, relationships and all kinds of other things only to end up being regretful when their dreams come true. But how were they to know?

When things don't work out the way we want them to, our friends tell us that even though we can't see the forest for the trees right now and we're remorseful over not getting what we wanted, someday we'll look back and realize this is the best thing that ever happened to us. Of course, they're blowing smoke too, because they don't know anymore than you do what your life would or would not have been like had you gotten what you wanted.

Sometimes we use the phrase as a rationalization to soothe the heart of the savage beast and to mitigate the pain we're feeling for not getting what we wanted. This is especially true in relationships. When we lose at love, we try mightily to convince ourselves that even though we thought this person was the perfect person for us, our lives would have actually been much worse had we won. We're usually not very successful at this particular endeavor but we try.

Then there are those who tell us we should never cry over spilled milk because the world is always exactly as it's supposed to be and if we don't get what we want, we weren't supposed to have it to begin with. I've never agreed with that particular philosophy because I think it encourages complacency and resignation by implying we shouldn't bust our butts to achieve our goals, sometimes in the face of overwhelming odds, because if we're supposed to have something we'll get it and if we're not, we won't. That kind of personal laissez-faire attitude is anathema to staying the course and giving your dream every chance to be realized, whether it's ultimately in your best interest or not because there's no way to know until you do.

On the other hand, I've always been a big supporter of spontaneity. Some of the most enjoyable things I've ever done in my life occurred on the spur of the moment without much, if any, prior planning. Many of us have probably planned out a trip or a vacation down to its tiniest detail and then after we return and we're asked about whether we enjoyed ourselves or not, we usually say we did but that sentiment is often accompanied by a feeling that something just wasn't right. We have that feeling because we planned everything out so specifically there's no way reality could live up to the dream. So when a few things don't happen the way we had them planned, it often feels like it was an unsuccessful venture, even though most of it was OK. On the other hand, when we do something on the spur of the moment without any preconceived notions of how things should be, the result is often much more exciting and fulfilling because we didn't have a lot of expectations that couldn't be met. We just revel in the moment and accept the bad with the good as a part of the total experience.

So I think maybe the next time we encounter this concept of being careful what we wish for, we should just grab the bull by the horns and go for it anyway. If we think it will make us happy, maybe it will. We all know that life is full of surprises and that things don't always work out the way we had them planned but if we don't make the effort, we'll never know.

To paraphrase the words of one of Garth Brook's hit songs, "We could have missed the pain, but we would have had to have missed the dance."

The "dance" is life and life is short. If my biggest dream turns out to be my biggest disaster, at least I'll know.

And knowing is always better than not knowing.