The greatest compliment a man gan get

I've had a lot of successes and a lot of failures in my life, as most of us have. It's the grand litany of life that makes it so. We have our peaks and our valleys and we can only hope that when this grand adventure draws to a close, we've somehow been fortunate enough to have had more ups than downs.

Sometimes I'm not sure I've accomplished that with my life yet. As the lead-in to the historic ABC's Wide World of Sports used to say, "The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat." I've done things in my life and with my life that have catapulted me to the top of the mountain, but I've also made decisions that plunged me literally into the depths of hell. Sometimes I'm not sure what the scorecard of my life reads, but in one area I think I know.

Despite my failings and my shortcomings; despite my bad decisions and the major screw-ups I've committed throughout this incredible journey, the one thing I'm most proud of is that I did the very best I could do to be a good dad.

When we had the memorial service for our fallen son in Tulsa a few years back, the long-time best friend of my ex-wife came to me with tears running down her cheeks to tell me what a great dad I had been to Brandon.

When I talk to my ex, the nicest thing she tells me is that, in spite of all my shortcomings, I've been a great dad.

I know I sometimes come across as a know-it-all; an arrogant jerk that always believes I'm right and everyone else is wrong and I understand that particular defect in my character. It's a trait that is shared by most newspaper columnists, television and radio commentators, preachers, lawyers, doctors, and leaders. If we DIDN'T think that way, we wouldn't do it; in fact, we COULDN'T do it. I think I have the attitude I have because I was raised in a family that always emphasized the positive instead of the negative; a family that always believed we could be the best at whatever we decided to do with our lives and, as many of you know, the attitude you get from your family trumps any other attitude you're exposed to.

I grew up in an extended family and lived the first 17 years of my life with my mom, dad, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt and uncle, all under the same roof. This was a loving, understanding, compassionate, supportive family that instilled in me the belief that my dreams could take me anywhere I wanted to go.

The reality of life eventually proved that particular perspective wrong because of my own failings and inadequacies but one thing I took with me from that family was to give my children the same kind of positive, can-do spirit my family gave to me and that's what I've always tried to do.

Linda and I raised our three boys in the '70s, '80s and '90s when young people were advancing at rates no one was accustomed to because of the rapid social changes that were occurring in our society; changes that she and I simply weren't exposed to when we were growing up.

We established rules for our children and consequences for violating those rules and, for whatever reason, our three boys understood and internalized those rules. They just never got in trouble, ever. And when they would occasionally violate some of our minor rules and got caught, they knew the punishments that were attached and willfully, most often embarrassingly, submitted to them.

They never ran away from home, they never challenged us, they never argued with us and they never threatened us. Somehow they knew that the rules were not made to constrain their behavior but were, in fact, designed to control and improve their behavior so they could one day become positive, contributing members to our society.

And that's what they've done. Before we lost Brandon while he was serving in the Navy in San Diego, he graduated at the top of his class from Corpsman school at the Great Lakes Naval Academy in Chicago and I, his mom, and his two younger brothers were proud attendees of his graduation where he gave the commencement address. Brandon's sudden and early death left a hole in all of our hearts that will never be filled.

Michael graduated with his bachelor's degree in education last year from Arkansas Tech University and was employed immediately by the Russellville, Ark., school system to teach high school social studies.

Our youngest son, Will, will do his student teaching this fall in speech education and will graduate in December from the same university his older brother graduated from.

These three boys never caused us grief, pain, embarrassment or disappointment and their mother's influence on them was probably much more significant than mine.

But their success in life always reminds me of the famous quote from Theodore Hesburgh:

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

I always did that to the best of my ability.

Some children are blessed by how their parents treat each other and others are cursed for the same reason because nothing is ever lost on them; they hear everything, see everything and internalize everything.

So if you're ever at a loss as to why your children didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, you usually don't have to look any further than to how you and your spouse treated each other during your children's formative years.

Loving, supportive parents who care for each other usually produce loving, supportive and caring children while nagging, arguing, confrontive, and sometimes violent parents often don't.

It's a pretty simple concept that, unfortunately, is lost on way too many people.