The sociology of love and relationships

I saw a couple out and about last weekend that I haven't seen for awhile. They've been married for quite some time and he pretty much ignored her like he usually does.

She had an affair a while back that most of their friends, including him, knew about but he didn't leave her or ask her to leave and she didn't leave him or ask him to leave. Even though this particular example involves a wife being unfaithful to her husband, it certainly works the other way around too.

It's one of the things about relationships that doesn't make much sense to a lot of people. How can a person stay with a spouse that has been unfaithful to them and why would they want to? Is it because they're afraid if they lose the other person they won't be able to find anyone else? Does it indicate such a lack of self-esteem on their part that they would rather put up with an unfaithful spouse than deal with the unknown of living alone? And since all affairs are built on lies, how can they ever again believe anything the other person tells them? What do they think when their spouse is not where they're supposed to be or they're late getting home, or they see other people coming on to them or they watch their spouse come on to other people? Are their psyches wracked with pain, fear and distrust because of what their spouse has done before or do they not give it much thought because they just don't care?

And what about the person who has an affair who stays with their spouse, knowing that they know? How much respect can they have for the other person when they know they violated their spouse's trust, the basic foundation a relationship is built on, and yet the spouse stays in the marriage?

Most people who have been cheated on would be gone in a heartbeat because they believe that if you can't have faith, trust and belief in the other person, you really have nothing at all; nothing to celebrate, nothing to enjoy, nothing to build on, and nothing to look forward to. But obviously, not all people see things the same way.

This is one of the reasons I've developed a course called the Sociology of Love and Relationships that begins this upcoming week at McCook Community College. Most people enter into relationships that often lead to marriage having no idea what to expect other than the hope that this "feeling" they have right now about the other person will last.

As most of you are aware, the divorce rate in this country is over 50 percent, the highest divorce rate in the world. There are a multitude of reasons for that and, surprisingly, many of the reasons happen before the marriage even begins rather than happening later. People get married for the wrong reasons, people get married because they've mis-identified the feelings they have, people get married because of pressure put on them by others, people get married because of an unplanned pregnancy, people get married without being in love, hoping they'll learn how to love the other person and, most importantly I think, people get married to the wrong person. They don't wait for The One and, because they don't, they continue to search for him or her even after they're already married because they know in their heart of hearts that this isn't the person they're supposed to be with.

In this course I'll be teaching, we'll try to unravel many of the mysteries surrounding romantic love, rational love, falling in love, growing in love, and the reasons why some people get it right while so many other people are getting it wrong.

If you're an adult living in the immediate area, you're either in a relationship or plan on being in one (which includes just about everyone), and you've never attended McCook Community College, you can take advantage of the twice a year promotion MidPlains Community College offers by taking this particular class, or any other single class of your choice for free.

Call the Business Office at MCC at (308) 345-6303 for details.

True love really is what makes the world go round.