Not every man can be a father

My dad would have loved Anna Nicole Smith. To him, she would have been the epitome of womanhood -- sexy, shapely and wise in the ways of the flesh.

But, I saw something else in her; a deep sadness, an unidentified longing, a hungry woman who was sold a bill of rotten goods a long time ago. She had no earthly idea of her true worth. Though many whispered sweet endearments to her, though the crowds, and the media pressed close to her, and though many claimed to love her, she remained a woman hungry for love, and died, I fear, unsatisfied.

Dad was a big fan of Playboy and knew precisely when to expect the arrival of the magazine each month, containing page after glossy page designed to evoke desire and awaken a fleshly hunger.

In fact, during a time of brief affluence, he held membership in the coveted Playboy Club, frequently whiling away the hours of the day and that all-too-fleeting affluence in the dimly lit environs of the club in downtown Denver. When I was barely 15, he took me along one day. I guess it was a field trip of sorts. It was quite an eye-opener. Beautiful, costumed women tended to the patron requests with efficient actions and sweet smiles, sidling close, but not too close, flirtatious to a fault.

It was then that I began to actively recognize what I had barely allowed myself to suspect before. My dad worshipped women. And nothing would have made him prouder than to have had one of his progeny considered beautiful enough, shapely enough and sexy enough to make it as Playboy Bunny. To that end, he paid way too much attention to the physical development of his daughters than any father ought.

All of this conspired to skew my attitudes of love as well. Young and impressionable, I was, for a time, vulnerable prey to the same lie; that the sum total of my value was found in my physical form.

But something about it didn't ring true. I dared to look for more. I dared to hunger for more. And I only began to realize what it was I was hungry for while watching Danny with our daughter, Lisa.

When Lisa was small, she, as small children are wont to do, lost a tooth. She was soooo excited because that meant that the tooth fairy would be coming to call and she would soon hold a shiny, new quarter in her hand. Then she lost her tooth. Again.

A hue and cry went up. Tears welled in her eyes and she looked at Daddy to make things right, again. He did, literally turning the living room upside down looking for that miniscule bit of enamel coated bone. The tooth was finally ferreted out from among bits of popped corn, unpopped kernels, potato chip leavings and other unidentifiable specks hiding under the swivel rocking chair.

We all enjoyed a good laugh at the lengths Danny had gone to in order to turn his little girl's life right side up again that day. The rocker is long gone, the quarter was quickly spent, but if I close my eyes, I can still see the scene.

Danny was always ready to be her hero, whether she saw him in that role or not. I remember him rescuing her from the attentions of an older man when she was but 15 - she didn't see the threat, but he did, and remains my hero today for his quick rescue of our girl. A rescue I sorely needed in my life at that age that didn't come.

When I saw the recent news coverage about Miley Cyrus and the Vanity Fair cover story, old memories came flooding back and I wanted to shake Billy Ray and tell him, "Be a father, not a friend!" Protect. Provide. Guide and guard, because when God blesses the union of a man and a woman with a child, he has certain expectations of the two who became one to create life. And the father's role is vital.

In many ways, I grew up way too fast. And in many ways, I had a lot of growing up to do, long after I thought I was done growing up.

It is no small wonder then, that my heart swells with gratitude every time I read in Psalm 68:5 how God is "A father to the fatherless." Nor can I take for granted the blessing that is mine to know that I am called a child of God in I John 3:1, because I know that the one who spoke all things into being became to me the one thing I needed most. A father; who provides, protects, guides and guards. I shall give the honor of that name to no other.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13, 14 (NIV)

Things you won't see in heaven: A fatherless child.

Audio from KNGN 1360 AM:

http://www.kngn.org/mp3/Not%20Every%20Man%20Can%20be%20a%20Father.mp3