If anybody gets a Taser ...

I can understand Brad's overwhelming need for a new gun. I can understand his desire for the biggest and best television. I even empathize with his overwhelming need for a set up to site his guns in on.

But now he wants a taser gun. I can't for the life of me understand what he needs a taser gun for. If truth be told, it scares me a little. Obviously, he's not going to walk up to a deer while it stands and waits to be electrocuted -- an antelope would be even less likely to stand around waiting for some guy to get within taser shooting distance and pull the trigger, or whatever it is you do with a taser.

Rabbits, pheasants, squirrels -- I just can't see where a taser is going to come into play in the hunting game.

It might come in handy while we're fishing, if we happen to come upon a big school of fish. I'm just not sure the game warden would look kindly on that particular type of fishing.

Which can leave only one reason he really wants a taser gun -- obviously he wants to use it on me.

I can just see it. We'll be sitting, watching television one night and I'll make some comment about the stupid comedian we're watching and he'll dig down the side of his loveseat, come up with the taser gun and shoot me.

My heart will stop beating momentarily, and Brad will be laughing hysterically at the way my face distorts as the electricity courses through my body.

For a while I will have learned my lesson, but he will be watching me very carefully for any slip up so he can use the taser again.

He'll wait for that one moment when I forget myself and make fun of the wrong television program or yell at him for not taking out the trash when I ask him to or spend too much at the grocery store and he'll take the taser out of its hiding place and shoot the nodes at me, laughing hysterically as my heart skips a few beats and my face again distorts and my body goes slack, dropping the groceries to the floor.

In all reality, I don't honestly think Brad would use a taser on me. I'm sure there are times he wishes he'd had one so he could shut me up for a few minutes, but he'd never use it.

At least I don't think he would.

Fact is, that's a situation we'll never face, because Brad is never bringing a taser into my house. If anyone gets to have a taser in the house, it'll be me. I could use one every once in a while so I can actually get him to take out the trash.