Caller ID is for spies

Caller ID is the original spy-tool. It was never patented as such, but I'll bet James Bond would have used it if he had it.

Someone could call me and leave a number, but if they're not at that number, I would know. So, if they would lie to me about that, what else are they lying about?

Being a parent, though, that kind of information is very helpful. You don't have to tell your children how you know whose house they are calling from, but they are constantly amazed when they call you and you say, "I know you are at Travis' house, but I want you home by dinnertime."

"How did you know that?"

"The same way that I'm going to know if you are lying when you give me an excuse for being late for dinner!"

"Whoa!"

Whoa, indeed. Caller ID places a parent in the realm of magic and any advantage you can acquire while raising a gaggle of children can only be a good thing.

"If Mom can do that, maybe she really does have eyes in the back of her head!"

I once got a prank phone call from a kid down the road. I called him back and told him that he's not old enough to use the phone if he doesn't know how to use it correctly. He was speechless. He couldn't figure out how I knew it was him since he disguised his voice by sucking on a helium balloon. Been there, heard that.

Caller ID is a parent's secret weapon, but there are other cool features that I use that many people don't know they have on their phone.

For example, if I'm waiting for an important call and I have no idea when it will happen, I don't want to sit at home waiting for it all day. So I can use the call forwarding feature and "bounce" any calls to my cell phone.

When the call comes in, I could be standing, stark naked, in the fitting room at JC Penney. "Mrs. Snyder, this is the cable guy. We'd like to come and fix the cable this afternoon. Will you be home?"

"Sure, I'll be home all day, just give me a call when you are on your way so I can put my man-eating dog in the garage!"

Then I determinedly go about trying on yet another swimsuit that looks like a bad day on me.

Luckily, Caller ID doesn't work in the opposite direction or they would've known I was lying. If you tell one of those guys that you might not be home, they will make you the last person on their list and sometimes you get bumped into next week! 

I know other people have Caller ID, too, though. I always think they're sitting there and listening to my message wondering if I'm important enough to talk to. To be honest, I sometimes do the same thing, if I'm writing at the time. I have a friend who always tries to leave a really mysterious message on other people's machines. Something that leaves you needing to hear more.

She might say, "Hi, Laura. I have something I know you'd be interested in. It might mean some money for you. But call me back because there is a deadline on it."

Now I'm wondering whether I should pick up the phone. If I do, I'd have to confess that I'd been screening my calls to see if they were important enough to answer. But if I didn't pick up the phone, I might lose out on a money-making proposition.

Oh, heck.

"Hi! I'm sorry; I just got out of the shower when I heard your message!"

You know that she doesn't believe you, but she pretends to. "That happens to me all the time. Listen, I have a 50 cent coupon for deodorant. I don't need it, but I thought you might want it."

So, she thinks I stink, huh?

I should've let the answering machine deal with it. That's what I get for being greedy.

-- You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her Web site www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.Caller ID is the original spy-tool. It was never patented as such, but I'll bet James Bond would have used it if he had it.

Someone could call me and leave a number, but if they're not at that number, I would know. So, if they would lie to me about that, what else are they lying about?

Being a parent, though, that kind of information is very helpful. You don't have to tell your children how you know whose house they are calling from, but they are constantly amazed when they call you and you say, "I know you are at Travis' house, but I want you home by dinnertime."

"How did you know that?"

"The same way that I'm going to know if you are lying when you give me an excuse for being late for dinner!"

"Whoa!"

Whoa, indeed. Caller ID places a parent in the realm of magic and any advantage you can acquire while raising a gaggle of children can only be a good thing.

"If Mom can do that, maybe she really does have eyes in the back of her head!"

I once got a prank phone call from a kid down the road. I called him back and told him that he's not old enough to use the phone if he doesn't know how to use it correctly. He was speechless. He couldn't figure out how I knew it was him since he disguised his voice by sucking on a helium balloon. Been there, heard that.

Caller ID is a parent's secret weapon, but there are other cool features that I use that many people don't know they have on their phone.

For example, if I'm waiting for an important call and I have no idea when it will happen, I don't want to sit at home waiting for it all day. So I can use the call forwarding feature and "bounce" any calls to my cell phone.

When the call comes in, I could be standing, stark naked, in the fitting room at JC Penney. "Mrs. Snyder, this is the cable guy. We'd like to come and fix the cable this afternoon. Will you be home?"

"Sure, I'll be home all day, just give me a call when you are on your way so I can put my man-eating dog in the garage!"

Then I determinedly go about trying on yet another swimsuit that looks like a bad day on me.

Luckily, Caller ID doesn't work in the opposite direction or they would've known I was lying. If you tell one of those guys that you might not be home, they will make you the last person on their list and sometimes you get bumped into next week! 

I know other people have Caller ID, too, though. I always think they're sitting there and listening to my message wondering if I'm important enough to talk to. To be honest, I sometimes do the same thing, if I'm writing at the time. I have a friend who always tries to leave a really mysterious message on other people's machines. Something that leaves you needing to hear more.

She might say, "Hi, Laura. I have something I know you'd be interested in. It might mean some money for you. But call me back because there is a deadline on it."

Now I'm wondering whether I should pick up the phone. If I do, I'd have to confess that I'd been screening my calls to see if they were important enough to answer. But if I didn't pick up the phone, I might lose out on a money-making proposition.

Oh, heck.

"Hi! I'm sorry; I just got out of the shower when I heard your message!"

You know that she doesn't believe you, but she pretends to. "That happens to me all the time. Listen, I have a 50 cent coupon for deodorant. I don't need it, but I thought you might want it."

So, she thinks I stink, huh?

I should've let the answering machine deal with it. That's what I get for being greedy.

-- You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her Web site www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.