House cats work best in pairs

There's a Seinfeld episode for everything, and one of my favorites is the one where J. Peterman pays Kramer $750 for his stories.

At that rate, our cat is worth a couple of thousand.

"Whiskers" was called "Honey" by his previous owner before he turned out to be a male, but like most cats, he answers to neither.

At 22 pounds, he usually produces a gasp and stare from visitors, and displays a preference for blond females -- like both his previous and current favorite owners.

Like most "free" cats, he soon proved to be expensive. No sooner had he established himself as a member of the family than he suffered a broken hip.

Growing up on the farm, we would no more have taken a cat to the veterinarian for hip surgery than mounted a private moon mission.

But he was part of the family after all, and off to surgery he went. Our "free" cat has cost several hundred dollars so far, but who's keeping track?

A long-haired, orange tabby, he keeps the furniture well decorated, and requires frequent combing to remove the knots from his fur.

Frequent combing until recently, that it.

My wife came home on my birthday to find sticky notes on the doors.

"Please don't let the kitty out!"

"Oyster" is a black-and-white tomcat who was born at the Humane Society and got his name from the traditional dish served on the day before my birthday. Perhaps "stew" should be his last name.

We were a little concerned about how the house's current cat would adapt to a companion, and although he hissed and spat at the kitten during their first encounter, we shouldn't have worried.

Since he has yet to be declawed -- or de-anything else, yet -- the quick-growing Oyster has no trouble keeping up with his older "brother."

And, thanks to frequent grooming contests, Whiskers no longer requires combing -- from the humans of the house, that is.

He often comes up stairs, carrying a ball, calling for his young companion to come and play, and he was even down to 21 pounds at his last checkup.

So, the latest story is, cats work best in pairs. You can tell that to J. Peterman.

As a supposedly impartial news man, I've always turned down candidates' requests to put campaign signs on my lawn. But, I've always felt guilty about turning them down, because I consider many of them to be friends.

So this year, I've decided to give my conscious a break and try a different tack.

I hereby make my lawn available to any and all candidates. Just give me a call here at the Gazette, and I'll give you directions.