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Reasons why the Olympics come every four years
While I consider myself an athletic person, watching sports on television is not a regular past-time for me. Sure, I watched the Super Bowl, but I was among those millions of people who returned to the living room just in time for the commercials and planned my bathroom breaks for the first through fourth downs.
But every few years, I find myself glued in front of the TV, watching nearly every event available during the Olympics, especially the winter Olympics.
As I watch these athletes compete in the perfect shape of their lives, my shape is going in the opposite direction. I'm so tired from staying up late to catch the final medal count, I don't have the energy the next day to exercise myself.
But the Olympics only last 17 days and I'll have to find new excuses for not exercising. In the meantime, I enjoy catching up on sports that myself and millions of other only acknowledge every four years.
Bobsledding: As a fan of sledding, I appreciate this sport. A big push at the beginning and then hop inside the sled for a fast ride down the track.
It doesn't get much more exciting than that or much more simple.
But listening to the commentators, you can easily grow confused.
While I'm not sure who is doing the commentary during the luge events for NBC, but they must moonlight on the pro golf tour. Several times during the men's competition, the male announcer said the driver "must make a birdie or he's not going to make par." I didn't see any tees, sand traps or fairways nearby, so I didn't have a clue how the sled related to golf. Maybe that's why I'm not the commentator.
But if a role as commentator is not in my future, I'd could see myself in another role in the two-person luge world -- as the brakeman.
For those not in the know, a two-person luge includes the driver, who receives all the notoriety, and the brakeman, who gives a really big push at the beginning and then folds in half behind the driver the remainder of the race. From what I've surmised, the brakeman is solely there to provide bulk and possibly encouragement if the driver can hear the person bent in half behind him as they travel 80 miles per hour down the course.
I think I've found my second calling, except I may have to ask for a change in the name of the sport.
While the word "luge" is fine when standing alone, it takes on a different sound when applied to the person riding in the luge. They are called lugers.
Written, the word looks O.K. But say it outloud and don't look at any of your co-workers while doing this. The "U" and "G" in the middle take on an "OS" sound, giving a new impression of the athletes.
Ice dancing: Even with a boost from the Olympics every four years, ice dancing remains in the shadows of figure skating, an afterthought on most telecasts. And if everyone has the same opinion as my husband, it's not too hard to figure out why.
After persuading him to let me watch just one couple skate before switching on a movie, he spent the majority of the routine asking when one of the skaters was going to fall.
As someone who owns a pair of 10-year-old ice skates still in pristine condition, I confidently explained that they don't jump and throw each other around as much as in pairs figure skating so there's less room for falling.
My husband had the same mentality as many who watch car racing. Although people won't admit it, they are waiting for a car to crash, just as they are waiting for a couple to fall. That is the attitude people have developed from watching figure skating. They can't tell the difference between a quad and a triple, but they can tell when someone hits the ice (usually the woman in pairs skating because she's the once being tossed around like a rag doll). The crashes are the easiest ways for us to tell the difference between the greats and nearly-greats.
Just as I was wrapping up my lengthy dissertation on the lack of falls in ice dancing, the pair on the screen was nearing the end of their routine -- and she came crashing to the ice with her partner crumbling to his knees.
I told my husband to pay attention to the TV for the inevitable replay because he just got what he asked for. For the record, two more couples on this night of competition uncharacteristically stumbled on the ice; my husband missed both because the movie had resumed.
Another factor against ice dancing surfaced while wat-ching snippets of the ice dancing routines.
The male skaters routinely wore shirts unbuttoned down to their waist, displaying for the entire ice dancing world their chest hair, or lack thereof. Upon closer examination during the scoring sessions, the outfits were revealed to have flesh colored fabric across the chest. Obviously, the skaters couldn't make up their minds what look they were going for.
Curling: I admit this is the one sport I refuse to watch, even if it is on TV only every four years. A quick summary of the sport includes a lane of ice, multiple brooms and sliding a big rock with a handle attached. I'm still looking for the athleticism involved and refuse to watch until they require participants to run sprints around the rocks or at least raise their heart rate by carrying the rocks.
During a news story about the Olympics, curling was reported to have the largest increase in participants following the Salt Lake City Olympics four years ago. It's easy to see why. It appeals to the average person, who just so happens to have a broom, a rock and some ice laying around. But will they be ready for 2010?
The Olympics will wrap up this weekend and as far as most people are concerned, the bobsleds will return to the place wherever bobsleds go every 3 1/2 years, the ice skaters will hopefully avoid the sequins and lycra for at least a few months and the curling brooms will return to their rightful spot in the kitchen.
And I'll get to bed at a decent time.