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A few last minute Christmas gift ideas
If you are one of those people who shop all year long for Christmas presents and buy those last-minute gifts in August, stop reading right now. Besides, you probably have better things to do, such as sew next year's Halloween costumes and plan a New Year's party welcoming 2003.
For the other 99.9 percent of us who are still not done Christmas shopping (because you've been beating up that other 0.1 percent), here is your annual Christmas shopping list.
So as not to waste time, the list begins with the plain and simple gift: jewelry. And not any ol' jewelry, but jewelry from a specific little store in Omaha owned by that guy with a little bit of money whose name rhymes with Muffet and who can have his tuffet made out of just about anything he wants.
While I'm sure other jewelry stores offer the same type of jewelry, a catalog from Borsheims arriving in the mailbox -- complete with six-figure items inside -- is always good for a giggle.
On the low end, a square metal stand is available. Of course, the accompanying square plate will set you back another $68 -- or roughly a week's worth of groceries to eat on that plate.
Let's get practical and go for a timepiece. For just $5,025, mom can unwrap a pink, leather watch with a mother-of-pearl and diamond dial with a diamond bezel. This watch is perfect for its original purpose -- deep-sea diving. And I'm not making this up, the watch is waterproof up to 100 meters. Those deep-sea fish are going to be impressed.
You say that's not enough; you really want to boost the economy? Well, you are in luck because also available is a matching set of diamond jewelry that will set you back more than most people earn their lifetime. The set includes a bracelet, earrings, a ring and a necklace, priced at $140,000, $50,000, $70,000 and $400,000, respectively.
As someone who loses her sunglasses weekly and a pen daily, I'm leaving these items off my wish list. How do you even start to explain to your husband or boyfriend that you accidentally dropped the bracelet down the toilet or lost an earring at a party?
Now that the girlfriend / wife / cleaning lady have been taken care of, let's move onto gifts for the children.
You've already bought the latest video game equipment for the kiddies, but are still looking for something extra. Fortunately, here's something to place the kids in front of the tube even more. "Jammin' with Jill" is a 22-minute exercise video for children -- specifically preschoolers. The average preschooler spends between 24-40 minutes a week in front of the television; What's another half-hour?
Here's a novel idea, why not save the $19.95 and shove your kids out the front door to play.
If all else fails, resort to a practical gift for your friends and family. As more and more people opt for gidgets and gadgets, go in the opposite direction by buying a big, heavy, corded telephone.
Every house should be required to have a corded phone which cannot be lost between the cushions on the couch, which doesn't have batteries to die in the middle of a conversation and which cannot be used as a toy by the family dog.
Not that the dog will want to play with your phone, cordless or grounded, much longer. After all, he's got a shiny, new pink watch to toss around.