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What's it all about?
It's incredibly easy when we deal with life on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, sometimes minute-to-minute basis to forget about what life is really all about. Obviously, conclusions will depend greatly on who you are, what you've experienced and how you believe. But I believe there are some universal truths that apply to us all.
I know we all too often get caught up in chasing things instead of developing relationships. We believe a new car or house or vacation will change the way we are, change the way we feel, and change the nature of our relationships. But they don't. If your relationship or your life was in the toilet before you acquired, achieved or did those things, it's most likely going to remain there after the fact. I've heard so many people, so many times, say if they just had this or if they could just do that, they would be happy. And I've seen many of them acquire this or do that and they're no happier after it's over than they were before it began.
Many people believe one can't achieve inner peace until they have a relationship or a belief in a higher power. And those who believe in that fashion have every right to do so. Other people, however, don't necessarily share those beliefs. It doesn't mean they're bad or mean or evil people, it just means they have a different take on the world. Many get caught up in achievements or possessions or rank or promotion and look for their salvation there.
I believe, however, that our true selves lie in the eyes and hearts of others. Our stock goes up based on how many people like us or respect us, provided we're being true to ourselves and our nature and we're not masquerading or conning people into believing we're someone we're not. Acquaintances are important but friends are crucial. Friends can help us keep our balance, keep our perspective, keep our eyes on the sparrow, because they always want what's best for us, even if it may not be best for them. That's how we tend to separate friends from acquaintances. Who's there for us when the rubber meets the road? Who's there for us when our world falls apart? Who's there for us when the darkness so envelops us that we think we will never again see the light? Whoever it is, you can trust and depend that they are your true friends and that they will always be there, always. It doesn't take friendship to admire a winner. As the Fleetwood Mac song goes, "Everybody loves you when you're playing." It's when the game is over and you have lost that you find out who really cares about you.
It's exactly the same with relationships. I've said this before in this column but we ought to marry our best friend. We ought to marry those people who cry with us, who mourn with us, who have fun with us, who care for us, who defend us, and who would die for us. To have anything less is cheating yourself and your spouse. Because it's a cardboard box you live in and, sooner or later, it will all come crashing in on you. We need to share our lives with someone who is solid as a rock in their love, caring, and concern for us. Someone who always keeps our happiness and our needs foremost in their minds. Someone who would sacrifice anything they had if it made our lot in life better.
Unfortunately we often times settle for less. And far too often, much less. People caring about people and people loving people are the most important, treasured, sacred things we have on this planet earth. In the past month, I have heard from so many people, many I do not know, expressing their sympathy and concern over my recent loss. So many parents who have lost children wrote to share their grief and their pain and to offer themselves to me in any way they could help. I received a six page compassionate, caring letter with a closing that was simply signed, "a devoted reader."
This is what makes life worth living. This is what helps us open our eyes in the morn and face another day. God only knows that I am not the only victim of tragedy. All we have to do is read the paper or listen or watch the news. People are losing people that mean the world to them on a daily basis. I hope I have not offended anyone by sharing with you the life and death of my son. I have tried through this process to somehow speak for all of you who have gone through similar heartaches but who had no public forum and to somehow touch those who haven't in a way they haven't been touched before.
I know that my grief has been made more bearable because of the tremendous support I have received from this community. As you read this, I will be in Tulsa, preparing to memorialize my son at 1pm at Veterans Park. I hope you will think of my family during that hour-long service. I hope that those of you who have faced it before will understand that no one did anything wrong or bad to make it happen and that fate knows no rank, no identity, no position of prestige or power or bank account. And regardless of what our station in life is, it can strike us when we least expect it and bring us to our knees. And for those of you who have so far escaped this kind of terrible tragedy, I hope you will drop to your knees and thank whoever or whatever you believe in that you have been spared an emotion that is, in so many ways, worse than death.
Finally, although I will be over five hundred miles away from southwest Nebraska when you read this, I will feel your strength, your love, your caring, and your support. And although Rhonda could not attend these services with me, she will be sitting next to me in spirit as Michael, William their mother and I try and put our lives back together again.